No, this blog has not been hi-jacked.  I have not been brain washed, drug addled, bribed, or in any other way forced to write something nice about the other caster in the game, Mages.

The other day Gnomeaggedon tried to be funny and wrote a nice little article about Warlocks.  Now, I promised retribution… but I had to go away for a few days, and it just never happened.  However, I had plenty of time to think while I was gone, and I have decided to be the bigger person (in more ways than one!)  So, I thought I’d write about all the things I adore about Mage folk.  After all, when you have a good long think about it, there are many things to love about our lesser cousins.

1.  Going Fishing.

You don’t even need to max your skill (although it is good fun to practice)

Mages: They’ll bite every time!

2.  And Let There Be Blandness… and so there was!

I have never been a confident cook.  No Chef’s Hat, no title… I’m just a boring old cook who slops some stuff in a pot, chucks it over the fire, and calls it a day.  Some days, my efforts are so pathetically poor that I am tempted to chuck my apron and call it quits.

Then I try some Mage strudel.

Suddenly, my cooking tastes one hundred times better!  Filling, substantial, tasty… oh my goodness what you can do when you cook from more than some revolting old dust!

(For verification of the un-substantial nature of Mage Strudel, see here, where a Mage spills the beans!)

3.  Puntability.

Mages of all sizes are great for punting.  Thanks to the afore mentioned diet of unsubstantial food, the lack of exercise from porting their butts everywhere, and the roundness of their heads from one too many Intellect buffs, all Mages are feather light and fly amazingly well.  Kinda like a shuttlecock. 

Ball = Mage Head Feathers = Mage Dress

So, to bust a myth, ALL Mages can be punted, not just the Gnomes.  Gnomes just happen to make a better squeak noise.

4.  The Great Race

As much as Warlocks are above foolish epeening… it is always nice to have someone to beat on the meter.

So, what is it you love about Mages?  I promise, I won’t tell a soul you said something nice about the poor creatures ;-)

In the interest of educating my guildies and friends, I have decided a post is long overdue on the differences between Mages and Warlocks.  Since, y’know, we are so hard to tell apart!

Seriously, how hard is it to tell?  If it’s not awesome, it’s not a ‘lock.

P.S.  In other news, last night after a semi-drunken escapade to the pub, I made an alt in Miss Medicina’s version of the new blogging related guild Single Abstract Noun.  I don’t know how I will go with levelling (I’m kinda fail at that), but it should be fun.  I had a fantastic time going through all the names to see which bloggers I could identify.  Krizzlybear also helped me come up with a great name for my baby Warlock – Sarcolepsy!  Whoo hoo!

Technically, I have quit WoW blogging.

Technicalities be damned!  There are Warlocks out there in dire need of advice, and I refuse to leave any man, woman or imp dateless this Valentine’s Day.  You might be one of those shy retiring Warlocks… the kind who hide behind their doomguard (now that summoning the big bastard is totally harmless, and no one is going to scream about the Warlock killing the Mage random raid member – again).  You might be too busy slaving away killing Hunters all day and cleaning the muck up all night (seriously… just avoid the Hunters with bears.  Trust me on this one… *flicks random poop-like substance off robe*) to think about how to charm your sweet one for the tackiest, most commercial occasion of the year. 

Never fear, Sar is here to help you with some handy tips, great advice, and she’s even blowing a myth or two out of the water in the bargain.

1.  No one REALLY wants those impersonal flowers.  Go one better.

According to popular wisdom, the best gifts are personal.  You know, thoughtful and shit like that.  Well, who can go past a Soul Shard made from your sweet one’s worst enemy?  One of a kind, glorious chunk of soul… and best of all, they’ll be obsolete come Cataclysm, so you get the bonus of offloading something which is soon to become a total heap of junk!  Just don’t tell your honey that shiny purple sparkly is going to be as worthless as a brain scan on a Mage.

2.  Seduction is completely overrated

I don’t know about you guys, but when I get Domxia to seduce something for me, it always ends the same way.  The romance wears off, the stupid bimbo comes trotting back to me… followed by a really angry mob intent on smashing my gorgeous face in.  Clearly NOT a success.

So, I guess you have a couple of options:  Either cut out the middle man, and work on your own seducing skills… or wait for someone to toddle over your way.  I personally favour the direct approach (something along the lines of ‘Will you be my Valentine?  Oh, no?’ /incinerate).  Works every time.

3.  It’s all in the details.

Ever had the most wonderful date lined up, only to realise that you are completely boned because your only mode of transportation is Dad’s daggy old Datsun (complete with cigarette burns in the seat and funky old foam smell)?  Transport your date with class via a shiny, glamorous red portal!  Nothing says consideration like ‘Send me a tell when you are done honey, and I’ll summon you’.

Seriously… which would YOU rather jump into?  

4.  Competition be damned!

Nothing worse than planning to make a move, only to have that pesky sneaky bastard of a Rogue sneak in on your target.  Show them who’s boss by casting fear on them… over and over and over.  It’s amazing how unimpressive someone suddenly looks when they run around, waving their hands and pooping their pants.  No one steals a Warlock’s date!

5.  Endless Kisses?

Unending Breath.  So many uses… and your honey is sure to appreciate whatever it is you manage to come up with.

 So, for quite a while now the Whiny Mage and I have been playing around with the idea of him posting on the blog.  I thought that a Mage would be an interesting foil to my usual Warlocky attitude… and besides, it has been a long time since I have had someone to mock, ridicule and pound upon mercilessly in the interests of amusing myself and the general public.  Hopefully these posts will continue (although at this point in time I have no idea what he will talk about… I will leave it entirely up to him what happens from this point forward).

I know, I know… he’s a Mage and all… but I am fairly sure you will enjoy it.  (Oh, and all the capitalisation and most of the punctuation?  Yeah, that was me… he was kinda against it, but the English teacher in me just couldn’t help herself, and, well… I –do- have editorial rights here after all!  So, blame me!)

<3 Sar

There once was a Mage and Warlock
who met fishing on a sewer dock.
He was whiny as hell,
she was cute as a bell;
the wolpertinger looked on in shock.

A mighty leader of raids
a Mage, nay THE Mage of his age.
Commands there were many,
demands there were plenty,
now all, not just some, call him sage.

With shadow and fire she fought,
saw the Mage, had a thought, hatched a plot.
She was evil its true
but the Mage would not rue
the one day her heart he had sought.

With curses and fire and ice
the two could not simply play nice.
With the Mage nearly dead,
and the Warlock ahead
with many an evil device .

The Mage firmly caught, it is true
not sure if a port now would do.
Running home would not work,
in shadows she lurked
so he thought, "What the hell… I love you"

                    …….

I’m a Mage and I whine, maybe so
but heck where’d my DPS go
Blizz is out of their mind
this is clearly a sign
a ‘lock i should clearly have rolled.

So, I have been sitting here, scratching my head, trying to think of something to write about.  I haven’t written anything at all Warlock related for a while now, and as I was pondering what on earth I could say that was new about Warlocks, some comments from other bloggers and readers have come to mind.

• Wow, it’s been a long time since I posted about <insert class here>
• There seems to be a lot of ‘General WoW Blogs’ cropping up.
• I just can’t find anything new to say about <insert class here>
• I’m finding it difficult to define my audience now/It is hard to tell what my audience is looking for
• I can’t find myself a niche anywhere!

The fact of the matter is, content becoming more accessible has killed what many bloggers write about.  Now, I am not saying that accessibility is a bad thing… it’s just harder to write about something which is talked about everywhere already, because, hey, everyone is doing it!  I have never been one for writing guides anyway (seriously, a guide from me comes out drier than a piece of burnt toast, and just as nasty tasting), but in BC I kinda had a little niche of my own carved out.  I didn’t really see too many other Destro Warlocks out there blogging about end game content.  ‘Twas just me (and probably a billion zajillion other people as well that I just happened to miss!)  Perhaps it’s because no one else could see the potential in blogging about a class with a one spell rotation (believe it or not, that one spell rotation led to some insane theory crafting.  When your rotation is THAT simple, you have to min-max everything to the millionth degree, or people are totally on your ass about it). 

And, hey, I was proud of myself for being in end game content.  That sounds completely dicky, but it’s true.  I mean…

• I had never played a computer game before WoW except The Sims.  And a little Warcraft: Orcs and Humans waaaaaaaay back in the day.  Like when I was 12, or how ever old I was when that came out.  And I totally sucked balls at it.  Still do. (Of course, since I started playing WoW, I have also played some DotA.  I suck at that as well.  Figures)
• When I started playing WoW, I was the world’s BIGGEST noob.  I had no idea what I was doing.  You know the stereotype of ‘Chick starts playing because her boyfriend does.  She totally fails, and he has to help her out with everything.  People think she is a ditz’?  That was me!
• I have NEVER been one to dedicate myself to grinding stuff.  Blah.  Grinding?  How is that fun?  Of course, everyone told me that to succeed in end game, you had to grind.  I guess I proved that wrong.
• And, since I am totally one to brag, using the ‘Gear+Skill+PC/Connection+Spec = Performance’ equation… I totally kicked Warlock ass during BC.  Gear?  Definitely never as good as the other locks in the guild.  PC/Connection?  Hello, laptop running at 10fps on a 1500/250 broadband connection!  Oh, and using wireless?  Yet, I still out-dps’ed most of them more often than not (except for one, who I was always neck and neck with… and his gear was sooo much better than mine!)  /strokes epeen

Now, well…

I guess I am in ‘end game content’, depending on your interpretation.  Certainly the accessible level of end-game (no hard modes for me, no sirree).  Somewhat like the rest of the raiding population.  What can I say about that which you don’t already know?

DPS wise, I am very ‘meh’.  Totally unreliable damage.  When I get my rotation running sweetly, I can get up there with the others.  When I can’t, well, it all goes to shit.  Not to mention, my gear, well… it’s not of a standard that you would expect at this point in the game.  So, I am hardly qualified to talk numbers when my own are so all over the place.

I don’t talk strat.  That’s what all these other sites are for, not to mention that the strats are so darned straight forward that there is no real point.

I feel like I have gotten way off topic here, but essentially – I understand where this ‘so what the hell do I blog about?’ slump is coming from.  While accessibility and homogenisation are no doubt good for the game and the community, it makes it damned hard to write!  And, that, my friends, is why so many blogs are changing focus.

OK, I know it is naughty to sit reading my subscriptions when I should be preparing for work, going to work, doing work even. However, I am sure you will thank me when you clicky on the linky and have a look. Remember a little while ago I did my usual whining about Spellstones and Firestones? About how much they suck? Well, check out this!

I sure am excited – Spellstones and Firestones potentially useful? No longer taking up a valuable spot usually occupied by my wand? Yes Please!

One thing which some Warlocks find difficult is assigning curses in a raid. This is generally due to a misunderstanding of how curses work together (after all, we only can cast one when soloing, and generally there is only one Warlock in a 5 man instance), and of which ones are important in a raid situation. Clearly, some curses are worth more than others, and some are better cast by some Warlocks than other Warlocks. This is a rough and ready guide to curses and how to use them in raiding. Simply work your way from the top to the bottom of the list, according to how many Warlocks you have present in the raid.

1. Curse of the Elements.

This is our most crucial curse, because it buffs the damage of most every caster in the raid. This should preferably be cast by a Malediction Warlock if you have one, but otherwise is a good choice for a Destruction Warlock because it has such a long duration, which means it uses less of their valuable DPS time.

2. Curse of Agony

This is great for Affliction and Demonology locks, as it does a nice amount of damage. For Destruction Warlocks, it is much better to simply spam Shadow Bolts than to worry about keeping CoA up in terms of both damage and mana efficiency. One of the two warlock curses which stack. An important thing to note about CoA is that you should not renew it until it has completed. The damage from Curse of Agony builds over the duration, so renewing before the last tick costs a lot of DPS.

3. Curse of Doom

Curse of Doom is a great spell for all Warlocks to use on boss fights. It is very mana efficient (being cast once every minute), and does a fairly hefty amount of damage (with my CoD’s in raid conditions hitting for about 10k). I do believe that CoA is better damage for Affliction and Demonology Warlocks, although most of the research I have seen on this is fairly old. When I have some gold to respec I shall have to test this out, unless someone else has done this for me!

There are a couple of important things to remember about CoD – it stacks, so more than one Warlock can cast it. If you have Amplify Curse, you should cast it before casting CoD – I believe it is a better use of Amplify to use it before a CoD than a CoA. Also, that massive amount of damage done is going to generate just a wee bit of threat, so keep your eye on your threat meter (although you all do that already, don’t you?)

4. Curse of Recklessness

CoR is a touchy subject. The main tank in my guild likes us to cast it for the extra rage it helps him generate, but not all tanks and healers like this curse. Essentially, ask your tank and healer leaders if they want this kept up. This curse is best assigned by an Affliction or Demonology Warlock, simply because its short duration will eat into a Destruction Warlock’s DPS. Also, if you are using fear as a CC, obviously do not use this curse or you will have a cranky fearer.

5. Curse of Tongues.

This curse is very situational. Bosses are immune to it (unfortunately), and it is a pain in the bum to keep up on targets because it has such a short duration. There are a few encounters where it is useful/necessary (the channelers in Magtheridon, the Priestess in the Fathom Lord encounter, etc). Assign your lowest DPS Warlock to this job generally speaking, because they are going to lose alot of damage just keeping that up. We tend to break that rule on Fathom Lord because I generally get stuck doing it, simply because everyone else refuses!

6. Curse of Weakness

CoW is a total waste of time. The benefit is definitely not worth the DPS cost of keeping it up. Anyone disagrees, you tell them to come see me, OK?

7. Curse of Exhaustion

This is purely a PvP curse, with a couple of limited PvE applications (such as the striders in the Vashj encounter). I would imagine bosses themselves are immune to it, and it would be pretty useless in any case.

So, in general:

Curse of the Elements -> Curse of Agony/Curse of Tongues -> Curse of Recklessness

On trash, damage dealing curses can potentially be a waste of time, because the trash just dies too darn fast! On bosses, feel free to go for it. Try to avoid giving your Destro locks curses with short durations, because it makes us cry from the DPS loss. Check if anyone has Amplify Curse or Malediction as well, although Amp locks can use it at their own discretion (as in – whenever the cooldown is up!)

Like every class, Warlocks have a veritable arsenal of strange, mysterious and bizarre spells which they can unleash with a twist of the hand and a flick of the wrist (and occasionally spitting over your right shoulder for good luck!) Some of these spells we use every day, others we use… well… never! Let’s have a look at five of these lesser known spells and abilities, shall we?

1. Eye of Kilrogg. Yes, Warlocks can summon a green eye of visiony doom. Well, maybe not doom – he doesn’t really do much… at all. The Eye of Kilrogg is a spell which I have never seen put to practical use throughout my whole warlock career. Sure, I’ve used it to scout around occasionally, or just, well, to be stupid really. I have heard that it can be put to practical use to pull mobs, and to look for pats around corners, but I have never tested the pulling thing.

2. Spellstones and Firestones. Most warlocks don’t use a Spellstone or a Firestone past level 60, or as soon as you get a decent wand that actually has some spell damage on it. Both are aimed at increasing damage in some way (the max rank Spellstone provides 20 spell crit, while the Firestone provides 30 Fire Damage). The only reason I personally have ever found for using a Spellstone at a higher level is in a situation where you have no Magic effect dispeller in your group, and there is a chance of you getting a really bad Magic debuff, as it can also remove all harmful magic effects from you (3 min cooldown). Firestones have a completely useless buff where they ‘enchant’ your weapon to have a chance to cause fire damage when attacking. Totally, utterly useless! Please fix our stones!

3. Ritual of Doom. Many people forget about the doomguard (and occasionally the infernal) simply because they aren’t commonly used pets. The doomguard especially is a rarely used pet because it is so difficult to summon. Having to do a quest chain to get the doomguard is also another reason… many Warlocks don’t even know about the doomguard! To be honest… I have not got the spell myself, just out of sheer laziness. However, I have summoned a doomguard once, thanks to a super lucky Curse of Doom proc.

4. Sense Demons. Yes, Warlocks do have a tracking ability! Not really useful, although it came in handy once upon a time in Dire Maul, chasing that forsaken imp around!

5. Curse of Idiocy. Ok, so I am completely cheating here… however, it was ONCE a Warlock ability, which reduced the target’s Intellect and Spirit (increasing it’s effect over time to a maximum of 90). I do believe it was in the beta of World of Warcraft, and they scrapped it. I guess you could also throw Shadow Ward in here so I am not cheating… our oft forgotten but sometimes useful shadow bubble! Great to use on fights where you anticipate taking a bit of Shadow damage (Netherspite, anyone?)

For starters, I am going to ask you to please forgive me for the fact that this post is going to be unbearably incoherent. I put it down to the fact that a) I am bone tired from school, and b) I had Hungry Jacks for lunch (I do not actually like Hungry Jacks, but it was a ‘special occasion’ and I didn’t want to be the party pooper who ruined it because they don’t like the food!)

I was once again thinking about why I blog today. Probably because I am so tired and irritable, and should be planning lessons rather than blogging – don’t ever let anyone tell you teachers have it easy! It takes me HOURS everyday just to plan out a day’s work – so I am really not motivated. Of course, this flowed on to why the heck do I even want to be a teacher, when I could have a fantastic 9-5 job somewhere… I think!

Well, really, the two are in some way intertwined. I want to teach because I love sharing my knowledge and interest about all things to do with English and History. I want the kids to delve into the arts, to appreciate the written word and where we come from. I want them to be able to express themselves creatively AND critically, to be able to say exactly what they mean and say it well. In other words, I want them to do all the things I attempt to do right here, but better.

Blogging is in some ways the same. I want to entertain people, to share my love of both the written word and the game. I want them to be curious about Warlocks, curious enough to go to the character creation screen and make one for themselves. The difference here is I don’t seek to teach people about Warlocks. Why? I just do not feel that I am enough of an authority on them! I am terrible at number crunching. Ask me what spec to play, and I answer you based on experience and gut feeling, not based on numbers and theory. This means that my likes and dislikes DO colour my perception of the class. How could it not? As with everything I am passionate about, I am just a wee bit biased about our good ol’ locks, especially the Destruction locks amongst us! There are many things which I have yet to learn about the Warlock, and I am willing to admit this. I have yet to master the PvP aspect of the game. I do always plan to work on that, but time conspires against me (darn needing sleep). Affliction sends me batty. Demonology would be fine if my felguard didn’t frustrate me at every turn. My other pets? Cute, huggable, and full of character. Well… almost all of them – Mezzrath, my Blueberry, is a bit dull. He is the ‘sit at home with a good book’ member of the family. My Felguard? He just strikes me as… too overt? The opposite of subtle, in any case. I do love a bit of subtlety about my pets, to make up for the fact that I myself am the opposite (Boom! Crash! SB crits everywhere! Yes, Sar has entered the room).

So, as I was saying before I went completely off the path, through the woods, and clear into another country – I do not blog to teach, I go to work to teach. This is my non-teaching zone. I leave education to the wiser beings among us, the theorycrafters, the intellectuals. Me? I’m just a simple country girl who likes to chat a lot… and has a sadistic streak. Why else would I get a kick out of the fact that you all suffer through my ravings?

Why else would I love being a warlock?

I said before that I would do it, and finally I have. The Life Tap debate has been going on for as long as I have been a lock… perhaps even longer! Does Life Tap generate threat? Is Life Tapping during a fight the ultimate sin? Should Warlocks even be able to Life Tap? Never fear, friends, all will be revealed (or at least some!)

For starters: Life Tap absolutely, totally does NOT pull aggro. I discovered this through a series of tests using my friendly neighbourhood druid, Kalf, as a stick to be beaten upon while I experimented. We ventured out to SMV, and played around with some nasty boars (you know, the level 68 ones who hang around Wildhammer). I didn’t want a mob which would be too hazardous to our delicate little tree’s branches, after all!

The method used was simple. I got Kalf to shift to tree and flail madly at piggies, this being one of the lowest threat generators I could think of. Seriously, I manage to pull easily off epic geared tanks, I should be able to pull off a plant! While he was doing this, I carefully watched Omen and Life Tapped my little heart out. What did I see?

Nothing. Zip, zilch zero. OK, I figured this may not be reliable since I didn’t touch the mob, so test number 2 – lets throw a DoT up on the mob and see how much aggro it generates.

My Corruption ranged between 250-300 TPS on a level 68 Boar. It was unfortunately enough to pull off Mr Broccoli, so I had him actually try to hold the mob while we did it again. The TPS was still the same. So then, I put Corruption on a mob, had Kalf hold it, and tapped away. There was NO noticable difference between my TPS with Life Tapping, and without. Clearly the numbers might have varied very slightly – the nature of DoTs means that it changes incredibly fast, and it’s really hard to keep track!

Conclusion: Life Tap does not generate threat. If it doesn’t generate threat, you can not pull aggro doing it. Life Tap at will! Well, with the following caveats:

Good Warlocks always establish their healers preference regarding Life Tap. I generally find Druids and Priests don’t have any problems with it, since they can HoT a Warlock who is tapping. Paladins have a bit of a tougher time, so I try to be more conservative. Shaman… well, I don’t 5 man with Shaman much, but I guess chain heal could help cover it? If your healer is having difficulty dealing with the extra healing, use anything you have at your disposal to reduce the need to tap, or heal yourself after tapping. Drain Life is especially good for this (unless you are fighting mechanicals, because I am 99.9% sure they are immune). Bandages can help if you are in a pinch, or a Healthstone.

In raid situations, I generally tap as much as I like. The healers can cover my small amount of damage taken, and it is my responsibility to push out the biggest numbers I can possibly manage. If I have to drain or bandage, I am wasting valuable DPS. However, I also eat/drink during down times (locks who tap when healers are trying to mana up are just plain rude), and carry mana pots for boss fights (where I pot and tap at the same time – more bang for your buck!)

As for the gripes that warlocks have ‘endless mana pools and it isn’t fair!’, well…

My dear, I don’t give a damn.