In game pregnancy.  Apart from the fact that I would be a bad mother (when I got my Sim pregnant, I phoned for an adoption – thinking I could give the baby away.  Turned out I got stuck with 2 babies!), there’s a billion zillion* reasons why it’s a really bad idea for WoW characters to ever develop the ability to fall pregnant.

1.  Raiding and pee breaks.

Life already sucks when certain members of your raid have to do the dash constantly to pee.  Could you imagine if your character needed to pee every ten minutes as well?

“Sorry guys, I have to stop healing”
“OMG WTF why?  /rageragerage”
“I have the ‘Busting’ debuff!”
“… seriously?  We pulled over at the Grizzly Hills toilet RIGHT BEFORE WE GOT HERE.”
“… never mind, now I just have the ‘Whoops’ debuff instead.  I’d suggest you stand at least 10 yards away from me”

2.  Death.

You die.  You run back.  You resurrect.
But what happens to the baby?  Is this how Undead are going to be created in the future?

 I’m just a little afraid right now

3. Hax!

All the challenge of not standing in the fire is immediately lost if your water breaks right on top of it.
Yeah, Koralon, I’ll bet you never factored in that one, did you?

4.  Cravings

We all know that there is all manner of food to be had in Azeroth.  The question is, does the rest of the guild really have the time to fly around half of Eastern Kingdoms to satisfy your weird food requests?  Especially when we know that the minute they get back, you just aren’t going to feel much like eating that anymore.

“Gee guys, thank you for getting those basilisk eyes for me!  They sounded really tasty…. about ten minutes ago.  But you know what would be really awesome? Goretusk Liver Pie.  And hey, can you go cook it in Molten Core for me?  The crust just comes out SO much better in that sort of heat…”

5.  Babysitters

I’ve seen what all you weirdos do to your orphans.  No way in hell would I be trusting you with my child.
(Actually, as a Warlock, I’ve got babysitting covered.  Voidwalkers are very maternal, didn’t you know?  And it’s not like he does anything else around here)

So.  In game pregnancy.  To be introduced in Cataclysm**.  What do you think?

* ‘billion zillion’ may be a slight exaggeration.

** Crazier things have happened, right?

Weekend Random Nonsensical Real Life Post!  Proof of why I should not write at 4am Sunday :-)

When I was growing up, I used to read Dolly Magazine.  My little sister, through the virtue of being younger, was forced to read Girlfriend, until I reached the age where Cosmo and Cleo looked more appealing… then she graduated to Dolly.

Anyway, Dolly used to have a section creatively named “Spill a Secret”.  People would write in and confess their sins, say all the awful or embarrassing things they did, and get a load off their chest while amusing the masses.  At the time they were fantastic, although I am sure that I would now find them hilarious for totally different reasons.

Anyway, in the tradition of ‘Spill a Secret’, I’m going to let you all in on the stuff no one in my Real Life actually knows (except for maybe a couple things I may have let slip at a hen’s night).  Mainly because I want to know if I am a total fruit cake, or if this shit is normal.  And it’s 4am, and my creative juices seem to be lacking.

1.  My clothing will tell you everything about my level of hygiene that day.  Hats, headscarves and large headbands mean that I was too lazy to wash my hair.  Jeans in hot weather mean I couldn’t be assed shaving my legs.  T-shirts of questionable quality mean I haven’t done laundry.  Board shorts when swimming mean I haven’t tended to my bikini line (or, I’m swimming at a school thing and don’t want to scare the kiddies).

2.  Related to that – I totally do the sniff test when I am desperate.  Also, jeans are good until they get that awful greasy feeling, or until you end up trekking through mud.  So you CAN get away with wearing them for a week!

3.  Related to THAT – once, when I was really sick and my nose was blocked, I grabbed clothes out of my clean washing basket in the morning, threw them on, and went to work.  Half way through the day, my nose unblocked, and I realised the cat had stealth peed in my clean washing sometime the night before and I smelt HORRIBLE.  And NO ONE told me.

4.  When travelling for extended periods with little access to laundries, I will do the inside-out underwear trick if necessary.

5.  I actually ate butter that I suspect was off, or almost off, because I was too poor AND too lazy to get new butter.

6.  I sometimes watch bad TV because I am too lazy to change channels.  I watched Grey’s Anatomy for FOUR weeks because it was on, even though I hate it.

7.  I’m scared to ever live with someone because I find farting in front of people to be humiliating.  Burping, however, is awesome (unless they smell).

8.  I once ate a Smartie I found on the floor in my lounge room.  It still looked OK, and I needed chocolate!

9.  I don’t really like my job, but I’m afraid to try and do anything else.

10.  I once kicked a kid out of class because I was cranky and he said I was PMSing.  (OK, so I did have PMS… but they shouldn’t have mentioned it!)  He got 3 detentions where I made him copy information on a woman’s menstrual cycle, complete with diagrams.

11.  I have a disturbing speeding problem.  I’m a good driver, but I find it difficult to do the speed limit on the highway.  This has resulted in MANY speeding fines, and if I get booked one more time in the next 2 years, I lose my licence.  However, I have never tried to get out of a ticket.

12.  While I like to think I am fairly sexually liberated, porn embarrasses me.  Like, unable to watch at all without looking like a beetroot.  Thus, for me, the internet is NOT for porn.  Instead, the internet is where I hang out because everyone is super nice to me, and no one laughs at the fact I like books and video games.

13.  Once, on a bus, some guy let me have his seat.  I thought he was somewhat interested in me or something, until he said that he always stood up for pregnant women.  I didn’t tell him it was only because I just ate a shitload of pasta, because a) I didn’t want to embarrass the poor guy, and b) I really did want that seat.

So, what sorts of secrets do you keep?