Weekend Random Nonsensical Real Life Post! Proof of why I should not write at 4am Sunday :-)
When I was growing up, I used to read Dolly Magazine. My little sister, through the virtue of being younger, was forced to read Girlfriend, until I reached the age where Cosmo and Cleo looked more appealing… then she graduated to Dolly.
Anyway, Dolly used to have a section creatively named “Spill a Secret”. People would write in and confess their sins, say all the awful or embarrassing things they did, and get a load off their chest while amusing the masses. At the time they were fantastic, although I am sure that I would now find them hilarious for totally different reasons.
Anyway, in the tradition of ‘Spill a Secret’, I’m going to let you all in on the stuff no one in my Real Life actually knows (except for maybe a couple things I may have let slip at a hen’s night). Mainly because I want to know if I am a total fruit cake, or if this shit is normal. And it’s 4am, and my creative juices seem to be lacking.
1. My clothing will tell you everything about my level of hygiene that day. Hats, headscarves and large headbands mean that I was too lazy to wash my hair. Jeans in hot weather mean I couldn’t be assed shaving my legs. T-shirts of questionable quality mean I haven’t done laundry. Board shorts when swimming mean I haven’t tended to my bikini line (or, I’m swimming at a school thing and don’t want to scare the kiddies).
2. Related to that – I totally do the sniff test when I am desperate. Also, jeans are good until they get that awful greasy feeling, or until you end up trekking through mud. So you CAN get away with wearing them for a week!
3. Related to THAT – once, when I was really sick and my nose was blocked, I grabbed clothes out of my clean washing basket in the morning, threw them on, and went to work. Half way through the day, my nose unblocked, and I realised the cat had stealth peed in my clean washing sometime the night before and I smelt HORRIBLE. And NO ONE told me.
4. When travelling for extended periods with little access to laundries, I will do the inside-out underwear trick if necessary.
5. I actually ate butter that I suspect was off, or almost off, because I was too poor AND too lazy to get new butter.
6. I sometimes watch bad TV because I am too lazy to change channels. I watched Grey’s Anatomy for FOUR weeks because it was on, even though I hate it.
7. I’m scared to ever live with someone because I find farting in front of people to be humiliating. Burping, however, is awesome (unless they smell).
8. I once ate a Smartie I found on the floor in my lounge room. It still looked OK, and I needed chocolate!
9. I don’t really like my job, but I’m afraid to try and do anything else.
10. I once kicked a kid out of class because I was cranky and he said I was PMSing. (OK, so I did have PMS… but they shouldn’t have mentioned it!) He got 3 detentions where I made him copy information on a woman’s menstrual cycle, complete with diagrams.
11. I have a disturbing speeding problem. I’m a good driver, but I find it difficult to do the speed limit on the highway. This has resulted in MANY speeding fines, and if I get booked one more time in the next 2 years, I lose my licence. However, I have never tried to get out of a ticket.
12. While I like to think I am fairly sexually liberated, porn embarrasses me. Like, unable to watch at all without looking like a beetroot. Thus, for me, the internet is NOT for porn. Instead, the internet is where I hang out because everyone is super nice to me, and no one laughs at the fact I like books and video games.
13. Once, on a bus, some guy let me have his seat. I thought he was somewhat interested in me or something, until he said that he always stood up for pregnant women. I didn’t tell him it was only because I just ate a shitload of pasta, because a) I didn’t want to embarrass the poor guy, and b) I really did want that seat.
So, what sorts of secrets do you keep?Tags: clothing, hygiene, pregnant, secrets, TV