See that chick on the left? The one with the blank stare on her face? Yeah, that’s her… the one who pushes me around so that she has something to yak about on these here pages. To be honest… I didn’t realise she looked so… weird. And what’s that strange garb she’s wearing? I’m SURE that doesn’t have spellpower on it! Anyway, she takes all the credit, of course, for everything that she writes about, and never mentions the part we had in it at all. All she does is peer through the screen and smoosh some buttons – I do all the organising!
She certainly never talks about how killing off poor Domxia pushed her to the top of the charts back in the day – the poor succubus still hasn’t recovered. Not to mention the times she has sacrificed poor Mezzrath just to save her own skin and a few copper coins. As for me, well… she just uses and abuses me. A little bit of extra DPS here, a little extra HP there… that’s all I’m good for to her!
Then, just to top it all off, she doesn’t even bother mentioning the slightest thing about our personalities! Even Traathun (her spoilt favourite, heaven knows why) barely gets a mention. All she goes on about is her dreary real life, in some strange country named Australia – which probably doesn’t really exist – and she lies about her age! She says she’s 25… but in the game we know she’s STACKS older than that! Last time we looked she was 80! I know Human Females are vain, but eeeesh. Not to mention, she claims to be a teacher…. well, we taught her everything she knows. Once again, no credit given. When she DOES talk about WoW it’s all this boring natter about specs and damage and fire and clothing (typical female!) and guilds. Seriously. Who cares about the bozos she hangs out with?
In fact, you know what? Next time she calls, I’m not coming. Screw her! Why do I have to do what she says anyway? Oh… what’s that noise? Oooh, I think it’s her voice! Perhaps I was too hasty… I best be running off, she might actually WANT me around this time!
P.S. Sometimes she talks about these weird ‘alt’ creatures. What are alts?