In game pregnancy.  Apart from the fact that I would be a bad mother (when I got my Sim pregnant, I phoned for an adoption – thinking I could give the baby away.  Turned out I got stuck with 2 babies!), there’s a billion zillion* reasons why it’s a really bad idea for WoW characters to ever develop the ability to fall pregnant.

1.  Raiding and pee breaks.

Life already sucks when certain members of your raid have to do the dash constantly to pee.  Could you imagine if your character needed to pee every ten minutes as well?

“Sorry guys, I have to stop healing”
“OMG WTF why?  /rageragerage”
“I have the ‘Busting’ debuff!”
“… seriously?  We pulled over at the Grizzly Hills toilet RIGHT BEFORE WE GOT HERE.”
“… never mind, now I just have the ‘Whoops’ debuff instead.  I’d suggest you stand at least 10 yards away from me”

2.  Death.

You die.  You run back.  You resurrect.
But what happens to the baby?  Is this how Undead are going to be created in the future?

baby-alien_1474492i I’m just a little afraid right now

3. Hax!

All the challenge of not standing in the fire is immediately lost if your water breaks right on top of it.
Yeah, Koralon, I’ll bet you never factored in that one, did you?

4.  Cravings

We all know that there is all manner of food to be had in Azeroth.  The question is, does the rest of the guild really have the time to fly around half of Eastern Kingdoms to satisfy your weird food requests?  Especially when we know that the minute they get back, you just aren’t going to feel much like eating that anymore.

Gee guys, thank you for getting those basilisk eyes for me!  They sounded really tasty…. about ten minutes ago.  But you know what would be really awesome? Goretusk Liver Pie.  And hey, can you go cook it in Molten Core for me?  The crust just comes out SO much better in that sort of heat…”

5.  Babysitters

I’ve seen what all you weirdos do to your orphans.  No way in hell would I be trusting you with my child.
(Actually, as a Warlock, I’ve got babysitting covered.  Voidwalkers are very maternal, didn’t you know?  And it’s not like he does anything else around here)

So.  In game pregnancy.  To be introduced in Cataclysm**.  What do you think?

* ‘billion zillion’ may be a slight exaggeration.

** Crazier things have happened, right?

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8 Responses to “There’s A Good Reason Your Toon Can’t Get Pregnant”
  1. #6: Cross-faction baby drama. Imagine a Tauren/Gnome combo? Who gets to be the daddy there?

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  2. OW. Ow ow ow ow ow.

    alternatively:

    “Look, I can almost fit my head in! It’s almost a walk in closet!”

    … Yeah, I went there. Warlocks: always able to be counted on to go TOO FAR.

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  3. Not to mention the mind-bending anatomy that must be involved if Forsaken can reproduce in any fashion. Some of us don’t even have lower jaws, what makes anyone think we have working reproductive systems?

    Also: pregnant tauren = lolearthmother?

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  4. Hahahaha. I laughed muchly.

    And then I felt my breakfast Cappuccino rise from my stomach at the chest burster pic
    .-= Pewter´s last blog ..Some Jokes Just Aren’t Funny (a thank you to Blizzard) =-.

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  5. “Where’s your sitter?”

    “I sacrificed him for a bubble so I could jump REALLY high on the bed. Cool right?”
    .-= zelmaru´s last blog ..Real ID: Dear Readers, Please Don’t. =-.

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  6. See, my warlock always lets the succubus do the babysitting. She has a whip, after all.
    .-= Grimmtooth´s last blog ..One of us =-.

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  7. I agree that voidwalkers make good baby-sitters.

    And I seriously want to know – are tauren babies born with horns?

    Very amusing, especially considering what I had posted today about how RL pregnancy has affected my playing. xD
    .-= Syrana´s last blog ..Friday Funnies: How Pregnancy Has Affected My Gaming =-.

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  8. [...] Saresa of Destructive Reach shares reasons why it’s for the best that our toons cannot reproduce. [...]

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