Sure, it’s a baby sheep. Regardless, it makes me feel sufficiently evil enough to actually talk about Warlocks without feeling like an imposter. Seriously, I’m waiting for the day where someone points at me and cries out “Look! It’s a MAGE!” Then I’ll have to scurry away and take up a new life in Booty Bay (the place in the sun for shady people). Maybe I’d join the Bloodsail Buccaneers… or I could just wipe them all out, and sit back on the beach on a banana lounge drinking a Bloody Mary. But then, that could get misconstrued as a public service.
See, thing is, I am through with being nice. I’m through with being useful. When did people get this idea that Warlocks were all about providing a public service? About doing people favours? About helping out, for goodness’ sake? So, no more. I quit. I’m changing my summoning stone to spew out random angry comments, not to actually summon people. I’m going to break it, and have them get lost in the nether. Or wherever it is they go through on their way to get their lazy arses to me. And then I’m going to laugh, and make pithy comments about how they should have dragged their own fat butt to the raid.
Or I’ll just stop collecting shards so I can’t summon them. Either one works!
As for curses? No more utility curses. Gone. Off my bars forever. I don’t give two hoots about your damage: you bring your DPS, I’ll bring mine, and we’ll go about our merry way. Of course, you need to make sure you give me buffs, because that’s your job, damn it. What do you think I let them bring you along for?
When you get that inane bunny pet out in raid? Yeah. I’m going to let Dagpep kill it and eat it. He’s been a good boy lately, and I am tired of restraining him. I think he deserves a reward anyway, just in case he isn’t the cool kid anymore when Cataclysm rolls around.
Warlocks: We aren’t your best friend, and we don’t want to hold your hand.
P.S. Please please please please PLEASE make us more evil in Cataclysm Blizzard! I’ll send you cookies and stuff! Or, alternatively, if you don’t, I shall rain firey doom down upon your heads.