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In the interest of educating my guildies and friends, I have decided a post is long overdue on the differences between Mages and Warlocks.  Since, y’know, we are so hard to tell apart!

Warlocks

Mages

Summon their powers from the Nether… or somewhere else sufficiently evil and awesome. Summon their powers from Carebear land.  I think.  I’m pretty sure there are flowers and cupcakes.
Have kick ass minions that also look evil and awesome.  They also have scary sounding abilities like ‘Shadow Bite’. Probably don’t have minions.  Unless they have a Squirtle.  Those things are more amusing than intimidating – “I’m going to get you marginally wet!  Squirt!”
Are tough enough to kill themselves if it’s absolutely necessary.  Who else would have the balls to set themselves on fire? Use a variety of sneaky, wimpy tricks such as Invisibility and Ice Block.
Make awesome green healthstones that make the raid smile.  Don’t ask why they are green… Make excessive strudel.  Which lacks tastiness.
Throw around a lot of fire and shadowy doom in an impressive display of power. Throw one of the following: weird purple shit that you’d expect to see coming from a fairy; fire that is infinitely more pathetic looking than my own; stupid frost things that logically SHOULD melt. 

That is, if they aren’t being wimpy and casting Ice Block or something.  Or Blinking away from the fight.

 

Seriously, how hard is it to tell?  If it’s not awesome, it’s not a ‘lock.

 

 

P.S.  In other news, last night after a semi-drunken escapade to the pub, I made an alt in Miss Medicina’s version of the new blogging related guild Single Abstract Noun.  I don’t know how I will go with levelling (I’m kinda fail at that), but it should be fun.  I had a fantastic time going through all the names to see which bloggers I could identify.  Krizzlybear also helped me come up with a great name for my baby Warlock – Sarcolepsy!  Whoo hoo!

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20 Responses to “Warlocks Do Not Equal Mages!”
  1. TheGnomeRanger says:

    Slow down there toots. “…fire that is infinitely more pathetic than my own…”? Perhaps your mage friends are too busy with laser hands (yes arcane is the star wars spec not the tinkerbell spec) to show you the power and awesome that is Dragon’s breath, blast nova, or pyroblast. Seriously there is no fire spell a lock can do that comes anywhere near the awesome that is a pyroblast.

    Here is a little riddle for you: “Why do warlocks have pets?” Answer: “Because they need all the help they can get.”

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  2. And, as Saresa left out of the above screenshoot, she’d spent the entire evening /baking cookies/. If that’s not mage-work, I dunno what is.

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  3. The Whiny Mage says:

    Mages do not come from carebearland we set it on fire and enslaved the oompalopmas. …. yeah its squirtle. Invis mage > warlock stain on the ground. Warlocks make candy … from people’s souls, for a soul don’t you think some kind of nuclear weapon would be in order? And we also make managems … which we don’t share cause a really evil person wouldn’t give out soul-candy they’d horde it and laugh at others. I don’t think you have room to speak you throw around green fire (green is a wimpy color) and slightly darker purple gobs of purple shit. And we can stealth port people to Exodar (aka hell). Beat that for evil.

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  4. Who says we give away the good stuff? :P When was the last time a Warlock gave you a Spellstone or a Firestone?

    And cookies are totally Warlocky! And they were super tasty too.

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  5. I have to admit, the convenience of mage teleporting makes me think about rolling a mage everytime. Or wish I was playign a mage. Or that I should go spend more time on my mage alt, Mykale, that is getting a sunburn in Gadgetzan, waiting for me to come back to him. (Wait, he’s black, and has a hood, so he’s probably just fine. In fact, he’s probably shacking up with some fine BElf chick hoping I just forget about him.)
    On the other hand I always get pet envy. I have a major desire to play both hunters and warlocks, mainly for the pets. That succubus is so annoying, yet so hot. Now if only we could name them like hunters do their pets…

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  6. Oh it’s on!
    .-= Rivs´s last blog ..Weekly Lagout =-.

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  7. Damn Whorelocks!
    .-= Rivs´s last blog ..Weekly Lagout =-.

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  8. [...] Mages: True Masters of the Arcane Ok the Whorelocks decided to up the war of words with this post. [...]

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  9. [...] http://www.destructivereach.com/2010/03/warlocks-do-not-equal-mages/ Comments RSS feed [...]

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  10. [...] Warlocks do not Equal Mages by Saresa prompted outrage from theerivs.  Doesn’t matter.  Can’t tell those sissies in their dresses apart. [...]

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  11. I like this post for the following reasons:

    1. Tone. It made me giggle.
    2. You obviously proofread. THANK YOU. I adore bloggers that put effort into that portion of their blogging.
    3. I see a distinct lack of phrasing like ‘whorelocks’. Seriously, who the hell came up with that?

    A+, would lol again.
    .-= Matojo´s last blog ..This Just In: Words Mean Something =-.

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  12. @Matojo Awwww thanks! <3

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  13. [...] Destructive Reach explains why warlocks aren’t mages. [...]

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  14. [...] Destructive Reach explains why warlocks aren’t mages. [...]

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  15. Having played as both Locks and Mages it is my assessment that the Locks Rock and Mages don’t

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  16. You forgot one thing about mages though….in terms of pure dps these “fairy Mages” would gang rape your ass with their “fairy fire”…..stupid lock

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  17. “Oi, what’s that strange creature over there… hiding in amongst all the other comments. Oh, look, we’ve found ourselves a troll! And this one seems to be missing its sense of humour – we’d better be careful around this one, they get pretty grumpy when riled up.”

    Friendly reminder guys: It’s perfectly OK to disagree with myself or any of the commenters. However, it’s not OK to be rude, or insulting. Keep it friendly and polite, and we’ll all get along just fine!

    See: This here post on my other blog. Internet manners FTW!

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  18. Funny thing is I’m a mage, and I so wanna roll a lock, but I keep seeing everyone going mage>lock or lock>mage.. I mean come we all know Druids pwn all =3

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  19. Berenaltorin says:

    Warlocks are definitely not mages.
    Warlocks:
    1) Summon their powers from the Nether… or somewhere else sufficiently evil and awesome.
    — Mages summon our powers from our own MINDS. How much more awesome can you get than “I’m just going to think about this for a second, and you’re gonna die.”
    2) Have kick ass minions that also look evil and awesome. They also have scary sounding abilities like ‘Shadow Bite’.
    — Mages don’t need any help to turn you into a greasy stain on the arena floor. And your “shadow bite” can suck on our “dragon’s breath”
    3) Are tough enough to kill themselves if it’s absolutely necessary. Who else would have the balls to set themselves on fire?
    — Yes, please, set yourself on fire. I’ll ask all the raid leaders whether they’d rather have a dead ‘lock or a live, slightly chilled mage still doing amazing amounts of DPS after the danger has passed.
    4) Make awesome green healthstones that make the raid smile. Don’t ask why they are green…
    — One healthstone that can be used one time vs. a stack of strudels that restore both health and mana, and that nobody has to give up their soul for. ‘Nuff said.
    5) Throw around a lot of fire and shadowy doom in an impressive display of power.
    — Yes, your emo angst-power is dark and scary. Now stand still and cry to yourself while we take a second to concentrate the very essence of magic itself and hurl it at you in a continuous stream of awesome.

    All in good fun, but . . . Mages rule.

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  20. [...] Warlocks do not Equal Mages by Saresa prompted outrage from theerivs.  Doesn’t matter.  Can’t tell those sissies in their dresses apart. [...]

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