Weekend Random Nonsensical Real Life Post!  Proof of why I should not write at 4am Sunday :-)

When I was growing up, I used to read Dolly Magazine.  My little sister, through the virtue of being younger, was forced to read Girlfriend, until I reached the age where Cosmo and Cleo looked more appealing… then she graduated to Dolly.

Anyway, Dolly used to have a section creatively named “Spill a Secret”.  People would write in and confess their sins, say all the awful or embarrassing things they did, and get a load off their chest while amusing the masses.  At the time they were fantastic, although I am sure that I would now find them hilarious for totally different reasons.

Anyway, in the tradition of ‘Spill a Secret’, I’m going to let you all in on the stuff no one in my Real Life actually knows (except for maybe a couple things I may have let slip at a hen’s night).  Mainly because I want to know if I am a total fruit cake, or if this shit is normal.  And it’s 4am, and my creative juices seem to be lacking.

1.  My clothing will tell you everything about my level of hygiene that day.  Hats, headscarves and large headbands mean that I was too lazy to wash my hair.  Jeans in hot weather mean I couldn’t be assed shaving my legs.  T-shirts of questionable quality mean I haven’t done laundry.  Board shorts when swimming mean I haven’t tended to my bikini line (or, I’m swimming at a school thing and don’t want to scare the kiddies).

2.  Related to that – I totally do the sniff test when I am desperate.  Also, jeans are good until they get that awful greasy feeling, or until you end up trekking through mud.  So you CAN get away with wearing them for a week!

3.  Related to THAT – once, when I was really sick and my nose was blocked, I grabbed clothes out of my clean washing basket in the morning, threw them on, and went to work.  Half way through the day, my nose unblocked, and I realised the cat had stealth peed in my clean washing sometime the night before and I smelt HORRIBLE.  And NO ONE told me.

4.  When travelling for extended periods with little access to laundries, I will do the inside-out underwear trick if necessary.

5.  I actually ate butter that I suspect was off, or almost off, because I was too poor AND too lazy to get new butter.

6.  I sometimes watch bad TV because I am too lazy to change channels.  I watched Grey’s Anatomy for FOUR weeks because it was on, even though I hate it.

7.  I’m scared to ever live with someone because I find farting in front of people to be humiliating.  Burping, however, is awesome (unless they smell).

8.  I once ate a Smartie I found on the floor in my lounge room.  It still looked OK, and I needed chocolate!

9.  I don’t really like my job, but I’m afraid to try and do anything else.

10.  I once kicked a kid out of class because I was cranky and he said I was PMSing.  (OK, so I did have PMS… but they shouldn’t have mentioned it!)  He got 3 detentions where I made him copy information on a woman’s menstrual cycle, complete with diagrams.

11.  I have a disturbing speeding problem.  I’m a good driver, but I find it difficult to do the speed limit on the highway.  This has resulted in MANY speeding fines, and if I get booked one more time in the next 2 years, I lose my licence.  However, I have never tried to get out of a ticket.

12.  While I like to think I am fairly sexually liberated, porn embarrasses me.  Like, unable to watch at all without looking like a beetroot.  Thus, for me, the internet is NOT for porn.  Instead, the internet is where I hang out because everyone is super nice to me, and no one laughs at the fact I like books and video games.

13.  Once, on a bus, some guy let me have his seat.  I thought he was somewhat interested in me or something, until he said that he always stood up for pregnant women.  I didn’t tell him it was only because I just ate a shitload of pasta, because a) I didn’t want to embarrass the poor guy, and b) I really did want that seat.

So, what sorts of secrets do you keep?

Tags: , , , ,
8 Responses to “Shhhh, Don’t Tell Anyone!”
  1. OH! I should have elaborated on the farting bit. IF I have been with someone for more than 6 months, and they have done something to deserve it, I have NO hesitation in dutch ovening them.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  2. I completely agree with the jeans thing. And here I always thought I was a little off for thinking that way…
    .-= deyndor´s last blog ..Single Abstract Noun =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  3. Hahaha! This post reminded me of the advertising campaign being run by a local car dealer where the theme is, “A little too honest?” It made me giggle the whole time.

    I totally agree with the jeans thing. It is silly to wash them everytime. I usually wash them on the weekend.

    Confession of my own. I don’t take a shower everyday, as is the cultural norm. I have a skin problem that gets exacerbated if I do. I take precautions to make sure that I don’t smell, and use a special deodorant that doesn’t freak my skin out. The result is that I smell fine, but I’m always paranoid that I’m stinky.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  4. In full agreement with the jeans thing, in fact I have been wearing these for… er… a while now. My laundry pile is HUGE at the mo. >_<

    I also use a hat instead of washing my hair on days I cant be arsed. Much like today! ;)
    .-= Marylin´s last blog ..Playing with Photoshop… =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  5. I am totally guilty of #1 & 2. Jeans are good for me until they stretch out and get too loose for me to wear decently. Also, Febreeze is your friend. I always have some around.

    As for #4, instead of the inside-out trick, I just go commando :)

    My boyfriend tells me how proud he is of me if I shower 2 days in a row.

    I’m pretty OCD about worse case scenarios. I have lain awake many nights devising plans to cope with natural disasters and zombie invasions.

    I’m addicted to Stargate SG-1. Now that I have watched every single episode ever produced, as well as all of the movies, I am at a loss for what to watch on hulu :(

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  6. The “couldn’t be bothered to shave” is the reason why I don’t currently own work clothes that involve a skirt.

    I once did a “social experiment” on Crankyhusband and didn’t shave anything one winter until he said OMG GROSS. The “OMG GROSS” threshold is apparently at 3 months.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  7. Washing jeans (or any pants, really) every time is just silly. It wears them out and, seriously, how much do you sweat from your legs?

    I do the covering up thing when I’m too lazy to shave too. The secret to lazyness in the summer is to wear capris. They look fantastic and I only have to shave the bottom parts of the legs.
    .-= Ophelie´s last blog ..Shared Topic: Positive Random Dungeon Stories =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  8. Oooh capris! I wish I could wear them… I unfortunately have super stumpy legs (even though I am quite tall), so it just looks like I am wearing pants that I have grown out of. I often end up doing the long skirt or maxidress thing. Maxidresses hide so many flaws!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0