It’s easy to say WoW is just a game.  That we should just do what we want to do, because that’s what we pay for.  That the relationships we build are ultimately shallow and easily forgotten when we move on to other ventures.

Well, it’s all bullshit.

It’s no secret I have been comparatively unhappy in my current Cenarius guild as of late.  I moved Saresa because she just wasn’t seeing any raiding action on Cenarius, and I figured if I was going to change guilds, I may as well go the full hog and change to somewhere where the raid times didn’t totally suck balls.  However, I worked my ass off on Hermia to try and gear her enough to heal most anything.  Now, she is currently at just under 2k + heals, and is holding her own excellently in the Ulduar 25’s my old guild Arcis has been kind enough to drag me through when they are short a healer.

Unfortunately, most every effort that I make to make Hermia’s gear somewhat acceptable just doesn’t get noticed.  It has gotten to the point where I make comments in guild chat so that people are aware of where her gear currently stands.  I’m not asking to be taken to every run, but I am asking to at least get the chance to go to them.

As a bit of history as to what has happened before (so that this all makes sense)… we have to go way back into the days of Cenarius Saresa.

Sar signed up for every Ulduar run she could possibly make.  Now, she was never taken, of course, but she signed up regardless.  She went to every guild run that she could possibly go to, helped out in heroics, helped out in non-heroics, didn’t mooch off the guild, and pugged her butt off whenever she couldn’t get a guild run to try and improve her gear.  Regardless, she was always told that she was not able to go to Ulduar runs (due to poor gear, latency, and everything else under the sun), and just sat on the side lines.  Eventually, this wore thin, and she transferred…

…where she was immediately able to do an average of 4k DPS.  Not great, but equal to most of her old guilds DPS.

Now, back to present day land…

I didn’t want to see the same thing happening to Hermia, and it felt like it was.  So, I expressed the following to my GM’s

  • I am considering rejoining Arcis.  They have expressed some interest in having a Sar-mutation back on board, and I know that I can get along just fine there
  • The main reason for this reconsideration is that I have never been able to run anything with Reforged past Naxx level.  The vast majority of my progress on both toons has been through PuGs.
  • The other consideration, and the one that really is the kicker, is that it makes no sense to run with Arcis each week and not be able to get EP-GP points.  It’s silly.

The response to this was the following

  • That is fine, do what you like :-) after all, it’s your $15 a month
  • In our defence, you have never signed up for anything. 

That is a good point.  However, it’s also hard to sign up for things if you do not get invited to them.  I signed up for every run I was able to make.  I was crushed when I was rejected for those runs week after week.  The GMs said that they weren’t aware of the ‘no go for Sar’ situation, as an officer leads the runs.  But unfortunately they didn’t seem to understand how that has shaped my understanding of the sign up process.  People would sign up and not be taken.  People would log on at the right time and not be signed up, and be taken.  It was a frustrating system.

The final straw was the other day.  The guild was in an Ulduar 10 and needed a healer.  Hermia was available, had healed Ulduar 25 well past what they had cleared, and had already proven herself to be able to pull her weight in random PuGs that other guildies had helped heal in.  I know healing meters certainly aren’t everything, but I am generally right near the top, my assignments do –not- go down unless something goes majorly wrong, and I often help other people cover theirs when I notice they are having trouble (by the way, is that poor healer etiquette?)  I have ‘saved’ a couple of people in tight situations, and I would like to think that PvP healing has actually improved my PvE game significantly.

However, they got another guildie who wasn’t playing at the time to jump online and do the job.  Without even looking in guild.  That really struck a nerve.

It turns out a lot of this has apparently been miscommunication between officers, or a lack of communication.  The Raid Leader just plain outright doesn’t invite me to things (and since the RL is also my boyfriend… well, you can imagine he copped a LOT of snark from myself after I looked like an idiot talking to the GMs about this.  Something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry, I’ll add you to the list’ followed by ‘You can stick your pity invites somewhere dark and stinky’).

At any rate, after a somewhat circular conversation which didn’t make sense entirely… it seems I have upset at least one of the guild leaders somehow.  Today barely a word was spoken to me by either of them, and you know something?  It kinda hurts.  These are people I have known for the vast majority of the time I have played WoW.  Most everything I have ever run, I have run with at least one of them at some point.  When I felt that it was time to leave Arcis, theirs was the guild that I looked forward to being a part of.  They are wonderful people to talk to, to spend time in game with, and just to know in general.  They are fantastic players of the game, but even if they weren’t, it wouldn’t affect my opinion or feelings in the slightest.  To be utterly ignored by them is painful.  I consider all of my in game friends to be right up there with my out of game friends.  Sure, we can’t get a coffee or anything together, but those are the people I talk to after a rough day at work.  When there’s some family problem.  When I just feel like kicking back and spending time with friends.  Losing friends is not something I take lightly.

I don’t know… maybe they are upset or angry or feeling betrayed that I am leaving (again).  The frustrating aspect of all of this is that a large part of me doesn’t want to leave: I have so many wonderful friends in Reforged, and I would miss being guilded there terribly.  At the same time though, I don’t handle rejection well, and being rejected week after week after week to run anything other than farm content gets frustrating and painful.  It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t intended rejection, it’s still there and it still stings.

So… $15 a month, do what you like, it doesn’t matter?  Yeah, right…

14 Responses to “When Your Guild breaks Your Heart”
  1. I fully accept that I will cop some crap for this, but your own BOYFRIEND didn’t take you to raids? Seriously? I’m sure the guy MUST have some redeeming qualities for you to be with him, but that’s just downright mean.

    If Arcis wants you, then personally I’d think go where you’re wanted. Easier said than done, but there are a ton of people out there with whom you can make new friends.
    .-= Awlbiste´s last blog ..blahblahblah =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  2. Before we get into the real reply here, that’s an excellent post.

    Well, it would be an understatement to say that this situation sucks.

    But, it’s also something I see a lot of. Most of the guilds that I have been in have been really fun guilds full of great people that are fun to do things with. Relationships are built, trust exists, and there’s a sense of belonging and fellowship all around. You’re in a guild and that actually means something.

    And then something happens that upsets or offends someone and it comes to “hey, I’ve got a problem here and I’d like to talk about it.” And the expected reply instead comes out as “Well, sucks to be you I guess. Later.” And everything you thought you had there suddenly means nothing to them and you’re now screwed far beyond what you were before.

    I feel you, I’ve been there.

    I wouldn’t hesitate to leave, personally, but I’ve got a bit of a “you stab my back, I bite your face off” sort of attitude. I don’t take well to betrayal and there are only a few things that piss me off more (in game) than being turned down in-guild in favor of someone out of guild for no obvious reason. If I suck at my role and he doesn’t, and you’re going for high end raiding, then by all means take the guy that’s going to help you succeed. But that doesn’t mean throw me to the wayside and leave me there, it means I need some help when we’re not raiding to fix whatever’s broken.

    I’m going to go on and on if I keep this up actually, so I’m going to just leave it at that.

    Good luck with whatever decision you end up making, and I hope it turns out for the best. Here’s a /hug and a /summon: chocolate VI and a /summon: ice cream VII to help you get through the tougher parts.
    .-= Psynister´s last blog ..Graphic Glitch =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  3. @awlbiste well… he says that he can’t show favoritism, and he just has to take the best of what’s available. I agree though, he could have at least given me a chance. Not one single Ulduar run with my guild is a bit steep imo.

    @Psynister well, at least they didn’t take non-guildies 99% of the time, but calling someone to log on kinda rankled. It’s a tough decision all round, and one which I will gladly take the icecream to help with! I also wish I had a better understanding of their side of the situation.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  4. Oops, I told a fib… I got to go to a random ‘hey, let’s just try an Ulduar 10 with whatever’s available!’ run… which my BF said I wasn’t good enough for and would let people down lol.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  5. Your boyfriend did and said what??

    That’s…really not cool. :\

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  6. Seriously, as your boyfriend he should know your toon and gear status as well as you do. I’m sure you two have talked about WoW irl. What he did was not cool at all.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  7. i’ve been in that situation before, at first my guild was good and i liked it , then some drama made guild split (ive been loyal to it from the beginning). so there were no more naxx25 runs and only ulduar runs, and then ive finally got to get along with them in their runs( just 1 or 2) and i did pretty well, but yeah lately they kinda ignored me… i always showed up on raid times, ive been helping ppl, boosting etc just to get a bit respect. ive been reading strategies etc and i know about my class , then well then i noticed they took alts to ulduar and a member who has been in the guild at the same time i got in got a coremember rank he has done as much dedication to the guild as i did. i’ve been loyal to them and they kinda ignored me, not much later i explained the situation to the guild and left.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  8. I know how you feel and have been there before. That said, more worried about your boyfriend … he really should be supporting you!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  9. The guild situation totally sucks. But the kicker at the end that the raid leader is your boyfriend is what makes no sense to me — like something was left out?

    Had you not talked to your boyfriend previously about wanting to come to raids? Or was this the only raid he had led? I am seriously confuzzled as to how/why you would be talking to guild officers/the GL and not your boyfriend about this first, unless of course he isn’t sitting in the room next to you playing…but even if he were long distance, seems to me that would have been a good place to start.

    Good luck tho!
    .-= candy´s last blog ..Guild Recruitment: Applicant Fact-checking =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  10. @candy oh I had spoken to him about this many times… he just kept saying ‘he can’t show favoritism, your gear isn’t good enough to go in there’. We don’t exactly advertise the fact we are seeing each other in guild either, so some people know, but not everyone does. WoW is a separate aspect of our relationship, and we try to not let it cross over. While I felt I deserved to go to some runs, at the same time I don’t want to me there JUST because I am the Raid Leader’s girlfriend! It’s a tricky balancing act

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  11. My not getting invites to a raid was a massive motivation for me to do /be/gear/understand my class better, and each time I changed guilds, it became easier to leave because ex guildys become only toons to wave to once in a blue moon. Now that they all know you are keen, and you want it bad enough to raise it, maybe it will change, but if it doesn’t then you will need to leave, or you will hate logging in. If they don’t know that a good healer, can be a good healer,even with undergeared spellpower and aren’t willing to test you out – then they are the scrubs. Good luck , and I hope you do whats best for you
    .-= Zahrah´s last blog ..If I were casting the Warcraft Movie – Horde Part 2 =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  12. Hey Sar,

    I have recently come to the conclusion that you can be in a guild for ages and think that you are really important then realise that nobody would really care if you left. I consider myself an important part of my guild. I am close to the GM and get on very well with the rest of the core members. However I play a hunter and a lock. Both I can play well but my hunter is my main and biggest hitter. I am always one of the first invited to raids if I am on. Overall it is great.

    But… I play a ranged dps class on both toons and although my hunter is consistently in the top 1 or 2 dps on every raid I am sure that taking someone with 5-600 dps less would not make or break most raids. If I left I am sure that people would be very upset for a day or more but the guild and raiding would go on. That may be different for a MT or MH but eventually they would be replaced as well.

    In the end the majority of the people who play the game do so whoever it suits them. Those of us who go out of our way to help a guild and others are appreciated but unfortunately also a rarity. I am saddend to say I am not as helpful as I once was. I have been burned by people too many times. Nowdays I am working on a horde alt to see a different side of WoW and I normally only log onto the main 15 mins before a raid. It is a shame but 15 mins after you leave a guild the majority of players in the guild will forget who you were.

    I hate to say it but “It is your $15. Do whatever makes you happy.”



    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  13. If you are absolutely sure and certain that your performance warrants a raid spot,

    And you have communicated this clear and without animosity to your guild/raid leaders,

    And you value raiding over being with the people you feel are your friends,

    And they are still not willing to give you a chance to prove that you can do this.

    Move on.
    .-= Shy´s last blog ..WoW you’re skilled! =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  14. I would have to say that both you and your boyfriend are being hyper vigilant about your raid status. If you’re capable of pulling 4k DPS, your gear AND ability are perfectly acceptable for starting Ulduar. You can’t prove yourself nor get experience if you’re both overly concerned about ‘how it looks’ if the RL’s girlfriend is invited to a raid.
    .-= Wowmomma´s last blog ..Permadeath Update =-.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0