What does it mean to me to be a member of the Alliance? That noble, well… alliance of races, all that represent honour, dignity, respect and everything else which is good and just. Why, as a Warlock, do I want to be a part of that? Shouldn’t I be a part of the seedier, dirtier, infinitely more disgusting and evil Horde?
Well… let’s just say I didn’t want to face an eternity of crippling back problems and a missing lower jaw. Nor did I want to channel Kermit, and lope around singing ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’. Not to mention the difficulties of asking for a large steak when visiting Thunder Bluff! Talk about foot (or rump?) in mouth.
I just wanted to be pretty. I wanted people to stare in wonder at me, slack jawed and stuttering before I cast the deadly shadowy spell that ended their life. So, of course Human was the way to go*. Attractive, charming, diplomatic, and ever so deadly.
I know, I can hear you asking… but how does a Warlock, the most evil and dastardly of all creatures, fit in to the pure Human race? How can such a malevolent creature, her soul almost torn asunder, succeed in the Alliance? I’ll let you in on a little secret…
The Alliance are the epitome of evil. The Horde? They are really a pack of do-gooder, limp wristed stamp collectors. The Horde are a banding of the unjustly excluded, trying to fight to have their place in the world, free from the tyranny the Alliance visit upon them. I mean, seriously… a pack of cow-men-things? How are THEY supposed to be evil? Not to mention Thrall, and his fairy tale dreams of the Orcs having a place to live, fitting in to the world and succeeding (memo to Thrall – you are part of a green, unattractive and unfortunately thickskulled race. Just be glad we allow you to live in the first place).
You want to see evil, you visit Stormwind one day. No, no… don’t just look at the gloss and the glamour of it all… I want you to peer into the seamy underbelly. The low level teenager dancing naked at the mailbox, hoping for a few copper to feed who knows what addiction she has. The band of Rogues, secretly plotting against the very people they profess to follow. The orphans, ‘innocently’ clattering about town, snatching wallets and hawking flea ridden creatures to unsuspecting idiots. The King himself, seething with rage, blinded by his own hatred and arrogance, on the verge of pulling the whole of the Human race into warfare.
Even the oh-so self righteous Night Elves… take a look at your failed ambitions. Beware the pride of the Night Elves, for it is biblical in proportions, and their downfall is equally enormous. Teldrassil, anyone? What other race would even dream of the notion that they would be grand enough to create a whole new World Tree? Well… maybe the Humans, if we were any good at gardening.
Gnomes and Dwarves… supposedly ‘sharing’ a city. There must be tension beneath the surface. Most of the Gnomes are relegated to a small quarter of Ironforge, kept separate from everyone else. There, too, ambition and greed leads the Alliance astray. The Dwarves and their foolish treasure hunts, always having to be rescued, and still demanding a cut of the bounty! The Gnomes! Well… what can we say… their very existence just leaves one speechless.
Draenei… alien space goats, so inclined to join the wrong side of a battle and fall to darkness, to become Broken. Yes, the temptation always lingers for these hoofed blue creatures.
This is the Alliance. This is the greedy, selfish, immoral sewer of a society that I am a part of. Where else would a Warlock really want to be?
* Blood Elves were not around when I started playing WoW. Even if they were, their crack-addled, somewhat anorexic looking state does not appeal to me, nor does living in the gay mecca of WoW. How am I supposed to get a man in Silvermoon?