So, what does 2009 have in store? Let us see…
You look away as the Warlock reaches over and grabs a squirming bag… “Nothing better than some fresh baby entrails for telling the future!” she giggles mirthfully as the rusty dagger slices and hacks away. Cackling is so cliche!
- Soul shards will finally be able to stack… in stacks of 5. Massive amounts of QQ are unleashed as we expected at least stacks of ten. Seriously! An emergency Soul Shard ability is miraculously forgotten.
- Rogues are given yet another stun ability. A new generation of 12 year olds gleefully roll Rogue and gank away.
- Tailoring remains the suck. Engineering gets buffed immensely.
- Death Knights finally get a much deserved nerf, and get relegated to being the new Warlock pet
- Warlock pets get improved a little, but are still super lame. Imps go on strike for better working conditions and stronger fireballs – succubi work overtime to compensate.
- Saresa is the only Destruction Warlock in existence. Much mockery ensues. Followed by a great deal of Firey Wrath
- The new raids, while more difficult, fail to placate the angry basement dwelling uber guild raiders. Blizzard get annoyed and respond with the world’s most insanely difficult boss. Uber guilds self-destruct world wide.
- Chinese gold farmers get replaced by trained monkeys in a PR attempt by gold sellers. Fails miserably – PETA protest, DEHTA protest… everyone protests!
- Druids get critter form, then complain when they get one shotted, and their corpses /loved.
- WoW subscriber numbers plateau, with the announcement of a new expansion not being enough to curb the losses of players to other Blizzard games (if one of them comes out this year – gogo Diablo!)
- Destructive Reach gains a whole 25 more subscribers. Most of them accidentally hit the RSS feed button and can’t figure out how to unsubscribe. Whoops!
- Saresa manages to get her Druid to 80 before Christmas. Deletes her Hunter in sheer frustration. Immediately misses Brutus, her cat.
- Mattel work with Blizzard to announce Dalaran Barbie, with slo-mo Mammoth to authentically replicate Dalaran lag
- Sales of the new Logitech headset soar in non-US countries, especially amongst foreign females who are tired of being propositioned online. Yay for voice disguises!
- Ghostcrawler gets tired of the forums. Who wouldn’t? Is replaced by a very scary hairy person who uses the Gorilladin as their avatar. Not fun!
- One prominent major blogger quits WoW. Guess who? (HINT: It certainly isn’t me, I am not prominent!)