Hannelore over at The Egotistical Priest hates Warlocks. Really, I don’t find this to be that big a deal – Priests often strike me as being our natural opposites, committed (in most cases) to exploring the opposite side of magic and using it for, well… completely different purposes. I’ll admit to sniffling a little, but I soon bucked up and realised that I actively encourage people to dislike me! My plan is actually working!

Of course, I myself have a class which I hate beyond all others. One which I would gladly see wiped off the face of Azeroth. My merriest dreams have been visions of their kind collapsing under some deadly strain, with myself hopping about amongst the survivors and cackling mercilessly as I delivered the final death blow in the shape of a painful, slow, unbearable DoT. A field full of shiny dead Paladins.

Paladins just creep me out. Plain and simple. Between their constant proclaiming of ‘For the Light!’, their irritatingly shiny armor, and their outright goody two shoes behaviour… uuuurgh *shudders*.

Not to mention that THEIR suicide seems to be socially acceptable! Only Paladins could turn it into an act of kindness. Makes me want to puke on their shiny boots (which are truly only kept shiny so they can check themselves out in their reflection). Not to mention, they only ever seem to cast the damn thing on OTHER Paladins! Selfish buggers.

Paladins have bugged me from the very first time I played. A class who can DPS, Tank and Heal? All at once?!?! AND they get to wear plate! Honestly, I did not envy the Horde one bit in not being able to have Paladins. Not exactly missing much. I believed that most Paladins would be unskilled, irritating children who rolled the class that could do everything because they were afraid of being smooshed by monsters. Turns out most 12 year olds play Rogues, but a fair amount of them are also lolret Pallies.

Oh… lolret. What other class in the game as an entire talent tree dedicated to making people collapse into fits of giggles every time they see it? Perhaps Blizzard was on to something there after all. Of course, they don’t make me laugh any where near as hard in PvP, where it turns out they have their magic ‘haha you can’t touch me!‘ shield, and then they proceed to murder me while I can not cast a single thing. Damn hammers!

The creepiest thing of all though? Lay on Hands. If a stinky Pally EVER dares to lay his hands on me he will be smacked through to next week.

Sure, Warlocks may be the emo class of WoW. Honestly though, wouldn’t you much rather hang out with a complaining yet intriguing Warlock instead of a do gooder, ‘For the Light’ chanting Pally?

9 Responses to “Perverted Paladins and why they freak me out”
  1. Well, *I* feel unloved now! *sniffle*

    Sihas last blog post..Fix your UI in advance!

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  2. Don’t worry, I feel the same way about Warlocks that you do about my favorite class, and spec. Oh, and if a Paladin tried to tank, DPS, and heal at the same time, he’d be a pile of aluminum and guts. I assume this is at least partially in jest, but a lot of people mistakenly thing that, no matter how misinformed it is. On live, my high end heal, as a Ret Paladin, does very pitifully, not even able to get me 2 hits from a mob. Beta it’s better, though so is everyone else. *casts Lay on Hands on Sar* /cackle

    Medross last blog post..Where in the world is Medros?

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  3. Heck yes I’d rather hang out with a warlock!

    Which means myself…

    All alone in a room…

    /emo
    /cast Hellfire
    *ouch!* *ouch!*

    AfflicNics last blog post..Yikes!

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  4. Aww, I’ll make sure to avoid passing this post onto my favorite Wreckadin. He’s exceedingly proud of his performance as Retribution.

    And think beyond the goodie-two-shoe image, Sar! Think of the man driven to good who act beyond the scope of his responsibility. Rather than interrupt a fight to save others, he goes a step further and begins to enforce his will on others, thereby becoming just as bad as his contemporaries. Fun twist and one you oh-so-rarely see, but not all paladins are the same!

    Cynras last blog post..Online Friendships — Here, There, and Everywhere

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  5. I am a tankadin, and I love to hang with Yvelle who is my wife that started as a Lock. it is the horde lock’s I don’t like all that DoT-Fear stuff. in the end it might come down to lock’s vs pallies. a battle to shake Azeroth for sure. but in the mean time. I take a lock over a ret pally anyday. Maybe I need to become a death knight /lol.

    Great post

    Hanhars last blog post..AV weekend bust

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  6. Very nice post, except one thing. Lolret is gonna be PWNYOURET! I hope they make divine storm do a bit lower damage, one hit from that and im dead no matter what gear i have! SO you gonna roll a DK sar? I mean they are the plate warlocks of the future, lol. I personally ahve a warlock and a spriest(both use shadow magic. Creppy but yes, i like to DOT! muahahahaha!). So yeah, im gonna have 3 shadow-wielding classes to own face.

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  7. Well if you really don’t like us that much we can just bubble out of your aggro, hand of freedom ourselves till we can get close enough to lay on hands, and give you a bit of salvation. I wouldn’t worry though, in LK at the moment the LolRet looks more like the Holy Spec, so not only will the paladin be there to save you with his mighty sword, remembering to bring protection, but he will make up for your lifetapping as well.

    :P ok enough dodgy named mechanics (why did Paladins have to get them all).

    DPS/Tank/Heal in 1 class isn’t a bad thing, especially since its implemented that we essentially have nothing baseline, Warlocks get their abilities as a baseline to do something, Paladins need to basically spec into Tank or Healer while most hybrids have some functionality baseline. As hybrids go we are the fluffy kind, half the time it is as bad as rerolling to change spec (and I have considered having a 2nd Paladin at 70 to play with on another spec :P).

    2ndNins last blog post..On Class homogenization, or why losing your raid spot is a good thing

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  8. A joke to brighten your day Sar.

    A paladin walks into a bar and sits down next to a warlock. The paladin asks for water from the warlock. “Look noob, I’m not a soft mage. I don’t make water.” the warlock says. The paladin asks him for water again. “Dude just go away! I’m not a freaking mage!” the warlock shouts. “Oh and here’s me thinking that locks could do something more useful than summon people and give them rocks,” the paladin says obnoxiously. The warlock then gets angry and punches the paladin in the face. The paladin lays there unconscious for a while, then the warlock laughs and says: “And here I was thinking pallys could tank.”

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  9. Tehehehe, that’s awesome!

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